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What are the consequences of the break-up of family life in many countries today?

CIE Comments

An excellent introduction to the topic, which combines a definition and an explanation. The level of vocabulary and phrasing is very high and is sustained throughout subsequent paragraphs.

Broadens the topic by the inclusion of senior citizens and their plight. Could perhaps have made the point that there is an economic burden on the state.

The economic necessity of both parents working is well expressed.

The effects of not nurturing children leads to drug abuse – this could have been extended towards the increasing focus of rebellion and crime in juveniles.

Crime increase is here, but the link could have been more effectively made. We cannot blame the media solely, whilst a lack of supervision is very dangerous.

Rather a sweeping generalization about the West: but a viable comparison could have been made.

A valid point here about security and parental care.

An excellent paragraph succinct and beautifully expressed.

This paragraph is not so skillfully woven into the general content as the others. It is more a commentary on materialism than family breakdown. Once more a beautifully written section, particularly the last two sentences.

Considering the essay to this point, the conclusion is a little disappointing. It fails to summarise the points that have been so eloquently expressed.

Conclusion from the above comments

The levels of spelling, phrasing and vocabulary, overall expression and maturity of thought are all high. A thoughtful and wide ranging essay that omits only one key point – economic implications for individual family members and state.

Paragraph 8 shows excellent use of English and is a mature commentary on lax moral values.


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